i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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