i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
