i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
