i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
