This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
