Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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