She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
