I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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