You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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