I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
