ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Mom said you looked used
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
