I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
