We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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