I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
