he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
honey bunches of taint.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
