I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
