evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
