I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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