i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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