Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
