I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
