he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
