Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
