So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
