i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
