We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize