Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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