I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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