she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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