how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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