i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Two words: nipple clamps
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