I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
