3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
