who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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