turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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