i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
