3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
