i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
