sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
