So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just found a bag of teeth...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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