Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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