I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
