Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
