farters have to be the big spoon...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
