happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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