"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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