So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
