you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
