between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
