just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
