Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
