she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
