Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
