This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
