So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
