So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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