Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
