the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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