we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
