You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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