My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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