Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
