speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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