I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
