Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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