Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
