Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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