And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
