Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
