she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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