i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Quick, to the slutcave!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
