In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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