is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
