She said her name was "party"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
