She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
