if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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